Last evening I had the honor of attending a lecture by Reid Mihalko on “Playing Well with Others.” Wishing more to tease you than give information you should get from him (a core philosophy to the erotic), I will just throw some of the many interesting concepts he shared. You should understand that he is a self avowed polyamorous slut, so more relationships are what works for him. (I use quotes, but these are from memory, not from a recording.)
“Measure your success in relationships not in duration, but in depth.”
“When in doubt, throw it out.” LOL, I do not think he meant the trash, but more that if you are not sure about what is going on/felt/thought by your partners, then say it and find out if you’re right.
“Pay attention to what is frustrating.” You learn more that way.
I think the strongest thing I came away with was that you should be honest enough to frighten people away, because the ones left standing are the ones who will reward you, who fit you. People serve up whatever is necessary to get another to stay to eat, hoping they will like the next course. Make the appetizer good and they won’t mind if they really don’t like the dinner. When it may be far better to just lay it all out at the beginning. Those that like what you’re serving will stay to eat. Those are the good ones. The others can find a Mickey D’s.
An excellent lecture, with a lot more on negotiation and communication that you should get from his website.
The Eroticist
Some great quotes that can give one one of those “ah ha” moments in life when it feels like you are getting a message from the higher powers that be that you indeed are on the right path.
“Measure your success in relationships not in duration but in depth.”
“Pay attention to what is frustrating.”
As one who often comes on strong in relationships (with both sexes) when trusting my “intuitive gut” on whether this is a person i can learn from….whose perspective on life is different from mine….(I love it when that happens) makes it so much more interesting to me…more scary…deeper….and faster than most…..I realize from this great quote that that is part of what I do in relationships….i show them parts of myself that they may not have looked at in themselves…..which either scares them away or brings them just a little bit closer –(in an attempt to figure me out in the scientific way that most people of this culture think when not accessing their higher consciousness).
“You should be honest enough to frighten them away, because the ones left standing are the one’s who’ll fit you.” I love this because i think that is exactly what i do….i am, have been, always will be a hospice nurse and that has definitely taught me that i cannot waste any time…..if the person is not willing to go deep and be brutally honest with me…..and who also validate and appreciate my honest responses when i feel so compelled—-such as in this response….that is where the “passion” comes from….