KinkyLittleGirl (pardon the capitalization, my dear) has been posting some pertinent blogs on Domestic Abuse, Abuse within the BDSM community and many related subjects. (Yes, we are mutual subscribers.) But a recent post brought out this response from me.
So, you want to learn how to be a slave. Well, the only thing I can teach you is how to be MY slave, because it is, as they say, “A Mutual Admiration Society.” The first thing I have to know is, Do You, In Fact, WANT to Be My SLAVE?” Because, while I may love to go on that path with you, we are going no where unless you walk with me, side by side, and tell me consistently that this is right for you. I am not really into non consensual slavery. It is WAY to much work, and has some serious moral and legal implications that I would rather avoid. OK?
What, guys, there aren’t enough women out there who like the idea, you have to go out and force it on someone who DOESN’T want it? Well, my first thought is that you haven’t really accepted it yourself, so you don’t stand up and admit to it. How about, “Hi, my name is [something or other]. You look like an incredibly interesting and exciting woman. Personally I am into the erotic possibilities of consensual slavery. How about you?” (A smaller version of Reid Mahalko’s Safer Sex Elevator Speech.)
Be who you are, gentleman, and find your exciting, willing and lusting mate.
The Eroticist
No problem on the capitalization; I’m somewhat of a grammar nazi [sic], and generally abhor the torturing of the English language so often seen in our circles. I only lowercase my scene name out of sheer laziness, and the fact that it just sort of wandered its way into existence out of my scene email address, and email addresses by convention use all lower case.
Anyways, thanks for your kind words.
Sadly, so many of these abusive dominants *do* start out with willing partners – myself included. Eventually, enough crap, injuries, violated limits, inability to distinguish fantasy from reality and holding their partner at the effect of that, etc., will wear one down to the point where we are willing no longer.