General Opening Negotiations

I am trying to develop a class on Negotiations. I have seen that most classes in kink conventions center on particular forms of play rather than the necessary but possibly boring negotiations beforhand. But they are an absolute Necessity.

            This may seem repetitive and redundant.  I tried to include suggestions that point in all possible directions, but I come from a background of being a CisMale Heterosexual Dominant Daddy type, so I am sure I missed much.  Just because I mention something does NOT mean it is required, but it should be discussed.  Any and all suggestions are requested and welcome.  I mean that seriously. Please send them to me at [email protected].

In copying the outline below, WordPress felt it necessary to replace all the I, II, A, B, i), ii), etc. with simple 1’s I have worked hard on this and refuse to spend the time to correct it. Let the tabulation suffice.

  1. Opening Positions.
    1. You Are Both Equal.  No matter the area, you should express your opinion.
    1. Know and be able to communicate your Needs
    1. Know and be able to communicate your wants
    1. Your Negotiation position is NOT your desired Kink position
  2. What relationship are you looking for?
    1. Authority Exchange
      1. Dom/sub
      1. Master/slave
      1. Top/bottom
      1. Other
    1. Length of time
      1. Long Term
        1. Monogamous
        1. Multi partner
          1. Outside of Vanilla Relationship (One or both are Vanilla married?)
          1. Polyamory
          1. Multi Dom
          1. Multi Sub
          1. Living arrangements
        1. What do you offer?
          1. Abilities
            1. Sports
            1. Decoration
            1. Painting
            1. Etc.
          1. Talents
            1. Cooking
            1. Gardening
            1. Home Maintenance
            1. Etc.
          1. Training
            1. Computer
            1. Secretary
            1. Etc.
      1. One time play
  3. Vetting (Goes in BOTH Directions)
    1. Experience
      1. Time involved in the Scene
      1. Training
      1. People
        1. People you were taught by
        1. Previous Partners
      1. Do you require a Full Featured Checklist?
    1. Personal Information
      1. Real Name
      1. E-mail
      1. Personal Address
      1. Phone Number
  4. What are your limitations
    1. Limitations in types of play behavior
      1. Hard limits
      1. Soft limits
        1. Firm outside of negotiation
        1. Willing to have them pushed?
    1. Limitations in physical abilities
      1. Illness
        1. STI
        1. Temporary
        1. Chronic
      1. Injuries
      1. Chronic issues
      1. Changes in the day
      1. Any required forms of Therapy, physical or otherwise
    1. Limitations in Relationship (What authority do you want to give or take?)
    1. Previous Trauma
      1. Physical
      1. Emotional
      1. Relationship related
      1. Particular trigger phrases or behaviors
      1. If occurs
        1. Usual symptoms or behaviors
        1. Most desired response and care
  5. Necessities
    1. Where are you playing?
      1. Public
        1. Publicly Observable
        1. Under clothing/Hidden
        1. Kink Event
      1. Private Home
    1. Safety
      1. Training
        1. Physical Equipment
          1. Supports
          1. Heat Regulation
        1. First Aid
          1. Heart Message
          1. Capillary refill test
      1. Safe-words
        1. Stoplight
        1. Unusual
        1. Physical
      1. Safe Calls
      1. Emergency Contact
    1. General play type
      1. SM
        1. Areas to avoid
          1. Feet
          1. Face Slapping
          1. Are Marks acceptable
      1. Bondage
      1. Service
      1. Sexual
        1. Areas of touch
        1. Type of touch
        1. Behavior required
        1. Behavior prohibited
      1. Submission
      1. Admiration/Worship
      1. Humiliation
      1. Types of play to avoid
    1. Aftercare
      1. Desire
        1. Do you want it?
        1. Do you want to avoid it?
      1. What is Aftercare to YOU
      1. Warmth
      1. Liquid
      1. Food
  6. Occasion of Play (Should be at least one day post negotiation.)
    1. Location
    1. Time
      1. Time to begin
      1. How long?
    1. Transportation (Do not be required to drive in deep subspace)
    1. Who’s tools and toys?
    1. Closest medical facility
    1. Available medical or safety equipment
      1. Cutters
      1. Med kit
      1. Personnel Trained
    1. Particular requests


  1. Per

    I am so happy to see a new post on this side; I was afraid something had happened to you. For nearly a decade I have followed your blogs. I found it when I was rather new into the culture and when I had met the love of my life. For the love of a submissive became my bible, my therapist and my library of wisdom.

    I just want to tell you how much your blogs have meant to me. Thanks to you I became and grew to become not only the dominant I wanted to be, but also the man I wanted to be – loving, leading and caring. You have opened my eyes to values, feelings and abilities hidden deep inside me which I was not aware of before.

    My deepest thanks for your efforts to share vision and wisdom for me and for many others. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    • Rob Monroe

      My deepest apology for taking so long to reply to your kind note. I will be very honest, some things have pulled me away, my art, but primarily, an incredibly painful search for a life partner. Difficult times. I should post on it, but that may take some time. I have a show mounting in November and that is my concentration at the moment.

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