Dating is a bitch. Hard enough when you are in your teens and twenties. It is next to impossible when you are Sixty Five, or a single Mother, or transgendered, or have desires or needs that are way outside the mainstream. Dating’s a bitch. I have been without a long term partner for a long time.
There’s the movies (s)he doesn’t like, the coffee (s)he doesn’t drink, “What? How can you not like Sushi? Chinese food either? I mean what do you eat? Bananas?” and the famous, “How can you watch that shit?”. But then you look at them and your heart stops. What is it worth to you?
It is so hard to make decisions about this. Is this person the one? Do I really know them? Do they really know me? The fear is always there. If they did, could they accept me? Would they still like me? Can I share that with them? Well, is it worth it to you?
It is impossible to have a long term, deeply bonded relationship without being authentic with yourself and with them. Damn right, most people will decide that this will not work and take their leave or think that you are the creep from hell and run screaming. But if you hide what is deeply important to you, how can they accept you? They don’t know you.
There are things about you. You know what they are. You have been fighting to hide them most of your life. You really like feet, or clowns, or furries, or you want them to wear petro-chemical products, or you want to do terribly violent things to them and love you for it, or have a fascination with porn stars, or want them to be the Madonna/Whore . Then finally you get to a point where you admit that all of it is a part of who you are, and your partner needs to be aware of that. Then they react. Well, was it worth it to you?
I think that to move forward, to find what you desire, you have to accept that there is a chance. Look carefully. Who is this person? Are they honest with you? Are they open with you? Have they told you clearly what it is they need? Have you told them clearly what it is YOU need? Are they still there? Are they still listening? Are they still smiling? Are they still trying to be beautiful for you? How about you? What are you doing? What is it worth?
After an unbelievable fight are they still there? Are they willing, even if they said there was no going back? Do they show who they are, and accept who you are? Can you still be there? Can you look at the differences and find out where is the worth of it all? Can you do it? Is it worth it?
There will be times you have to do some solid thinking. What has gotten you through the hard times, the dry times, the thoughts you have had about what to do if you never find the one, the directions to go, may not be the best paths if there is a chance. Is it possible? Can you accept that? Look at them.
Here is the romantic within me. I admit it unashamedly. We truly have almost no handle on the Truth. We make choices. I believe I have a better life if I choose to believe that it is possible. The fools errand. But my life is a better one when I choose to believe. There is a chance that this one can accept who I am. It is worth it? Can you let them be who they are? Can you demand the honesty, and accept responsibility for hearing it.
I quote here the lyrics from Bob Dylan’s song from his 1997 album Time Out Of Mind.
When the rain Is blowing in your face and the whole world Is on your case, I could offer you a warm embrace, to make you feel my love.
When the evening shadows and the stars appear and there is no one there to dry your tears, I could hold you for a million years to make you feel my love.
I know you haven’t made your mind up yet. But I would never do you wrong. I’ve known it from the moment that we met. No doubt in my mind where you belong.
I’d go hungry, I’d go black and blue and I’d go crawling down the avenue. You know there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do to make you feel my love.
The storms are raging on the rolling sea, and on the highway of regret the winds of change are blowing wild and free. You ain’t seen nothing like me yet.
I could make you happy, make your dreams come true. Nothing that I wouldn’t do, go to the ends of the Earth for you, to make you feel my love
To make you feel my love.
When you hear something like that, believe me, it is worth it.
The Eroticist