It is difficult to describe why I am a sadist. Many would wish to place me in a convenient box to support their own gestalt. After all, I am a mature man (read “old geezer”) who takes pleasure in applying severe sensation (read “hurting”) consenting women (read “defenseless little girls.”). I have asked friends and searched the internet to find discussions equivalent to the many published in support of masochism, but have found few.
So I would like to describe two incidents which, though happening many years ago, still have a highly emotional and memorable place in my life.
The first was with a young girl I was just getting to know. She wished to experience a cane and I directed her, after my strike, to immediately embrace me. I explained that what I wished to experience was her reaction to the pain coursing through her. I struck hard, and the physical processing of that pain, combined with the emotional appreciation on both our parts was…obviously memorable.
The second was within the context of a very significant long term relationship. We were at a club in a large room and my girl was naked on a long table, not tied, willingly offering. I often specialize in the single tail and here I was circling her, round and round the table, striking at her ass. What I remember was her twisting herself keeping her ass up, but more importantly twisting repeatedly to keep me in view, and as I circled, though striking her ass, all I watched were her eyes. I do not know anything else happening in the room though many were engaged in play around us, just her. It was and will always be a magical moment in my life.
This is the best way I can describe why I do what I do. Connection. Intensity. Depth. Being connected to someone in a way I do not experienced any other way. The joining of people in a physical activity that brings joy and mutual appreciation and admiration.