In the lifestyle there is, and has been for as long as I can remember, the repeated discussion over how you punish a Masochist. A masochist, to my way of thinking is someone who gets sexual enjoyment out of extreme forms of physical stimulation. She (or he) is a pain slut.
Now most of us, even out side of the lifestyle, know about the “punishment” game. Just think of your loved one kneeling on the floor and saying, “I have been a very bad girl/boy/boi/etc., Mommy/Daddy. I need to be punished (blink, blink)” OK then, where are my toys? But what if something seriously has gone wrong, something promised and not done?
I LOVE pain sluts. They are my greatest joy. I might even go so far as to say they are a necessity to me. I do NOT, however, enjoy punishment, and neither should she. (Please understand, I am a Heterosexual Sadistic Dominant, so I do tend to think of submissives as girls, but they need not be in any way.)
So, how do I punish? First, she comes and kneels at my feet and we discuss what has occurred. I make sure she knew what it was she was to do. I ask her to confirm that she had an opportunity to ask any and all questions so that she understood what was required of her. She then must confirm that once she understood what it was I wanted, she had committed to do so.
You should understand that all three things are necessary. Did she understand what I wanted? Did she have an opportunity to ask any question she wished? Understanding what I wanted, did she then freely commit to doing it? If these things happened and the action was still not done, we then must have a discussion about why we were in that relationship.
Does she want to submit to me? Does she choose to serve me? I am there to guide and support her and hopefully encourage and allow actions that please the both of us, but I can not MAKE her serve me. She CHOSE to do that. I must then ask her if she has changed her mind.
Yes, we are now in a discussion as to whether or not this relationship should continue because if she chooses not to SERVE me, we are no longer holding to our mutual commitment to each other. She should be reminded of these things and of the reasons behind her original choice. Did she have expectations she did not disclose to me? Are there elements of this relationship which no longer please her?
Then she should be given time to do some solid thinking about whether or not she wishes to continue in the relationship. If she does, I can pretty much guarentee that the behavior will change. But YOU must remember that this is NOT play time. It is a time to think over what has or has not been done and whether or not this is a serious lifestyle choice or just a childish game for her.
And YOU have to understand that the RESULT of all of this is that you MAY not have a submissive any more. That is why I do not like punishment.
P.S. There are excellent comments on this post. To see them, click on the title of the post.