I have seen, at times to my horror, unbearably simplistic descriptions of the Dominant/submissive or Master/slave dynamic. As a caveat let me say that there are innumerable forms of these relationships and I am expressing my views here on only one aspect I feel important.
In comments to my last post, nabterayl asked what form of punishment might be necessary if a submissive failed to complete a task when “she was really tired, or sad, or depressed, or something…but at that specific moment she just couldn’t muster the will…”
It is important to know why. People are complex animals with complex issues. Your submissive is a person of great value who has committed to serving you and satisfying your needs. Something is wrong.
I am going to use some analogies here that should NOT be stretched. But if you have a fine automobile, a valued investment, you have it periodically serviced. If you have a valued race horse that is ill, you do what is necessary to see it well. You do it. That is your obligation. You are the one with the responsibility.
When the time comes when your submissive or slave is in stress, ill or overworked (and it will), it is your responsibility to see her well. You do it. Put her to bed and bring her soup. Make sure she takes her meds, in ALL cases, particularly in the case of maintenance medicine. Take her out to dinner, and make sure she knows it is for her. Give her a warm bath, and I don’t mean tell her to go take one, give it to her. Kneel by the side of the tub and wash her hair, wash the skin, dry her off, use the moisturizer. Light a candle, some incense, and read her a story. Serve her. You are serving yourself, the relationship, your slave and your household.
A submissive or slave who truly wishes to serve you, to work to satisfy your needs, particularly those needs to which most would not admit, is a creature of inestimable value and deserves the greatest care. This requires work. (What, you thought this was easy?) This requires introspection and responsibility. This requires care. This requires service. It is service to something far larger than yourself. Think on that.
The Eroticist
Extraordinarily well put! Rule #1: Protect the property.
My girl is precious to me! She’s my best friend and mo confidant, as well as my SO and my submissive. As in any relationship, a D/s partnership is TWO way, otherwise it’s just… I dunno… complicated masturbation.
Should my girl and I choose to take our relationship “to the next level,” to use a hackneyed expression, and formalize an M/s relationship, my committments and responsibilities will far surpass any level achieved in my prior marriage.
I am as much in service to her as she is to me. D/s or M/s doesn’t make the relationship simpler, it makes it more complex and far more demanding.
If you want easy, stick to one night stands.
Very well written! My Sir is still learning His role. As a new Dom, I can understand the morale issues that He seems to have from time to time. However, I am still trying to get Him to understand that I am here to help Him and to please Him – and that there is a vast difference between being Dominant and being controlling.
…Cohesive, mutual and beautiful.
Thank you for this well-timed article. I hope that Sir reads it and understands that yesterday I very much wanted to please Him but just could not muster the will.
Beautifully put, Eroticist.
And please, please, believe *her* when she tells you she is in pain or sick or exhausted – and that goes triple if it’s the result of a chronic illness or chronic pain situation. It’s not up to the dominant to decide if she’s in “bad enough” shape to be let off the hook if she says she is.
We all talk about the necessity to trust in this lifestyle. “You must trust your Dom, because he has your life in his hands.” Well it goes both ways. You must trust your slave to tell you her truth, for how else is a profound relationship formed?
The Eroticist
enjoyed
very much
mew
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