I have been reading Clarisse Thorn’s blog for some time. She is a fine writer who rejoices in, not only her strong feminism, but her extensive experiences in BDSM. Though I have been pulled away for a while, I came back today and read “My Mom’s Rape Story, and A Confused Relationship With Feminism”. (Link no longer Active) It hit so many different subjects important to me that I felt it worthy to pass on and comment.
Obviously to many who know me, I am an empathetic kinda guy. I do not like seeing people hurt and even hearing of someone I love being abused angers me greatly. My reaction to the thought of a loved one raped, and the incompetence (at a minimum) of subsequent help is one reason for my exposing my interest in things alternately sexual and claiming the title of Sex Geek. But Clarisse’s article touched me for a wide number of reasons. There are painful reasons, the emotional manipulation by a lover and subsequent rapist explaining that she could not bring charges because she originally pursued him, the slow acceptance of the existence of PMS, receiving hate mail from other feminists for expressing her views and that feminism and, in my opinion the BDSM community “has always been one of those movements that eats its young”.
There are informative and humorous reasons, the quote from Alice Schwarzer (No, I won’t tell you. I am promoting reading her blog, right?), the wonderful interplay between being a masochistic submissive and a strong self confident feminist, and the realization with which I strongly agree, that an interest in BDSM does Not necessarily come from previous abuse.
There is so much good work out there, Charlie Glickman, That Kinky Little Girl, The incomparable Reid Mihalko, Nina Hartley, Logan Levkoff, Madeline Elayne, Dr. Ruthie, the aptly named Jay Wiseman, Esther Perel, Violet Blue, and many others. All have contributed to my understanding of things relational, sexual, and delightfully kinky. Do yourself a favor, spend a moment with each, find who speaks to you, and learn. No matter where you are, it is possible to make sex a little more fun.