This is a continuation of my blog on the “50 Shades of Grey” trilogy by E. L. James. As I do not wish to present spoilers I will concentrate on several points other than the plot which come to mind. I also should say that I have finished reading only the first of the trilogy. I will continue further as I read on. I am enjoying it.
With regards to a point mentioned in my previous post, and the differences between real life and fiction, the question I would ask is, has anyone had even a medium term sexual affair with another person where, not only previous to every sexual contact was the woman fully and naturally lubricated, but each contact resulted in the woman coming and the male invariably reaching a climax immediately after the woman no matter how many times they “connected” through the day? This is one whale of a lovely idea, but I fear it is a bit unrealistic. Please understand, I am not objecting to it as an element of fiction, I am just pointing out that I would greatly appreciate it if any prospective submissive of mine would not think that this behavior is the way it will be. Nope, ‘t won’t.
While I sincerely hope that she would reach a climax (or 5, or 10) at each sexual contact, as it is a great pleasure of mine, but considering the above example, I fear I would become dehydrated. Beyond that, and delving more into dreaded reality, there will inevitably be all those little things, both physical and mental, that sometimes get in the way, forgetting a condom, not being lubricated enough, having a benign rash, being exhausted after your workout, falling off the bed, really wanting oral sex after she had returned from the dentist, finding that doing that erotic scene on the bathroom counter gets a faucet in your ass. While none of these truthfully do much damage to a healthy, caring, mutually supportive and valued relationship, I do worry about expectations.
But there is a more serious point in my mind. While it has nothing to do with the above mentioned “50 Shades”, in my relatively long life I have seen the accepted media in this society go from acting as if homosexuality, be it male or female, did not exist, to it being a deeply destructive mental adoration, to a, while not disastrous but a worrying prospect for any parent of a young child, to a humorous character choice, to an unusual but acceptable lifestyle, to accepted and healthy way to live for those who are born with that orientation. Perhaps, one day, I will live to see someone’s sexual orientation ignored as nothing of particular interest except to another who wishes a relationship.
I am beginning to see the same pattern with respect to the “kinkier” aspects of both Dominant and submissive relationships and Sadomasochistic ones. I speak of them together, though they are not inextricably entwined, perhaps because I enjoy them both, or because they are oft portrayed together. But they can and often are experienced totally separately. One may have one element as the core of one’s relationship with no touch of the other.
But with the popularity of books such as the “The 50 shades…” and Anne Rice‘s “Beauty” series (originally written under the pseudonym A. N. Roquelaure), and more importantly the general acceptance of their popularity, plus the portrayal of D/s and SM relationships or experiences in movies and TV as something less than disastrously psychotic, I am hoping for an eventual acceptance of those elements of normal human sexuality in the popular media and to see it go through the same progression I have seen with regards to homosexuality.
However, with the above caveat that I have only read the first of the three novels in the series, I mention that the phrase “The 50 shades of…” comes from a line by Mr. Grey, “I am 50 shades of fucked up.” There are constant illusions to a series of highly traumatic experiences in his life, and at this point, I fear that a desire for either a D/s relationship, or one incorporating SM activity will be portrayed as being caused by that severe emotional trauma. In other words, that it is decidedly not “normal”. While it is in many ways safer to portray it so, I do not believe that view is any more tied to reality than the astoundingly perfect sexual unions. My fear is that he will, through great love, introspection and sacrifice, be “cured” of this abhorant affliction.
I read on.