I have been away for a while, and my apologies go out to my consistent readers. My mind has been occupied by computer issues, art and new people.
My friend KinkyLittleGirl (Link on the right) had a repost up recently brought over from FetLife, as she said, both postings are interesting for the differing comments, and this reminded me of my decisions with my new friend. In the process of introducing myself, we have talked a lot about subjects important to me, honest transparent communication, introspection, equal value of the partners of a relationship no matter what the roles assumed.
One area that came up comes from the phrase oft heard now that NO means NO. I take it as an admonition that if you hear someone tell you that they do not wish to do something, they mean it, and you should accept it. It is also an admonition to the speaker that you would be best of not playing the “I am saying no, but I really mean try it anyway.” In this day, specially when people are experimenting with behaviors and lifestyles outside of the 1950’s norms, that kind of game truly can destroy relationships.
As good as it is, problems come with it, because it is really dependent on the question and the individual interpretation of the words used. More importantly, it does not exclude what has not been specifically mentioned. “No, I don’t want to be whipped.” So flogging is OK? Does that mean you don’t want a whip used in any way, even as an implement of light bondage?
There is a corollary statement that I am finding quite enjoyable. Yes means Yes. While obviously, it can have some of the same problems (many people use the word “whip” to embrace both single-tail and flogger, for example) it can have some very interesting side elements. I know what I want to do to her. I have told her. She has asked questions. She has agreed. But I will not do a thing until she begs for it. She has to tell me she wants it, actively, over and over. I know, people call me a pleaser, but I tell you, it makes me hot to hear a pretty young thing beg me to do what I want to do anyway.
Here is another excellent post on consent from FetLife.