First I should apologize. It has been a hard week, full of a sore throat, coughing, sneezing, nose sore from wiping, bed, a LOT of water, bad sleep and a VERY strange mental state. But as the Bible says, “It came to pass…” and pass it has.
I want to thank a good friend for the inspiration for this blog. As I have not gotten permission to mention her name, I will not, but I am sure she will know who she is. We were talking about how her inspiration for service, for that confirmation of self from serving another seems to have withered, and we talked about being fed.
Relationships often begin on what each of you feel is possible, the joy of shared or matching interests, faith in the other’s career path, in your own, finding a true bonded soul mate. But there is truly a tremendous amount of day to day THINGS that have to be done, are you going to have sex, is that communication good, are you going to move in together, where does whose stuff go and in our lifestyle, how to do service, defining protocols, and how Dominance or submission within your relationship is displayed. That is a LOT of stuff, and even with the best, it gets in the way.
What we often forget is the little bit of consistent daily reinforcement, the small comments, yes, the thank you’s. I am a sadistic Dominant. I can hurt you in innumerable artistic ways, but does that mean I should not say a simple, “Thank you, that was just what I needed.”? I don’t THINK so. It is the little things that feed us, that keep us alive. “I like your smile.” “You did that just the way I wanted.” “I get pleasure from just looking at you.” It does not have to be a “GOD, you make me so hot. Get your ass over here NOW, cause I want to HURT you.” But that helps as well. They are those little things, those CONSISTENT things that say, “I am proud to own you.” (Though I have to say, for my own sake, I like to hear, “I am so proud to be owned by you.”)
I tend to concentrate on words and complements because that is my style, but that is not the only way. I strongly suggest a concentrated read of “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. In a Dominant and submissive relationship there is no room for “Hey, I am the Dominant, I don’t need to do that.” The hardest thing for people to accept is that a Dominant and submissive relationship is HARDER than the usual vanilla one. It requires MORE of you, not less. (That deserves a blog of its own, so I will let it be for a while.)
So be a feeder. I am tempted to stand on a rock and pronounce, “Feed, and Thou shall be fed” cause it’s true. It is said that one of the obligations of a Dominant is to look for opportunities for your sub to serve. Yes, definitely and look for opportunities to complement. It will serve you well.
The Eroticist