I have been thinking recently about the seriousness of the activities we do. Being a Sadist, I engage in activities which should definitely be taken seriously. I purposely cause severe levels of sensation to people who are often bound in such a way as to be effectively helpless, and often do not have complete knowledge as to what is going to happen to them or how they are going to react to it. (Comments welcome on that one.) In other words, I do have their well being, even their life in my hands. This is serious stuff.
Within a relationship, I am asked to make decisions or advise people in areas which can have a profound effect on how they live their lives. This involves serious levels of responsibility.
But as I sit here, sticking out my tongue to gather in the last bits of breakfast muffin cinnamon crumbles off of my plate, I think of all the people I have met who take their position as a Dominant and respected member of the BDSM community so Damn SERIOUSLY. We wear our uniforms, each article of which can be looked upon as awards from awe struck submissives, boots (with there mandatory yellow stitching around the sole), leather pants, belt, vest, and the most serious of all, the cover, the hat, the brim of which is never to be touched by human hand.
We are to be addressed with a plethora of honorifics, from the simple, “Sir, yes, Sir” all the way up to “As is your wish, my Lord and Master” and beyond. There are rules of behavior, dress and speech which can make your head spin, and seem to far surpass those required by the less serious “Vanillas”. (This gives rise to the newbee’s oft requested rule book, of which there is none.)
And yet, in my humble opinion, while this is all well and good (and I do mean that. This is all behavior chosen and accepted by those who wish to engage in it, much like any club requirements) what is forgotten is that there is truly little serious difference between all this and dressing up for a Halloween party, or knocking three times and saying “Pumbernickle” to get into the tree house.
What is often forgotten is that while it is necessary to take the responsibility of what we do seriously, it is to our detriment to take ourselves so seriously. We are people, after all. Each with unique gifts and abilities which we are blessed to be able to share with others. The manor and style with which we do so is decided by those gifts and abilities and the enviable facility to find joy in what we do.
That is the point, after all. To share with one another and to find joy in how we do it. Be that in taking on most “Serious” roles and discovering interesting interactions between mine and yours, or just sitting quietly with a loved one and commenting on the world around you. “Oh SIR, did you see what they were wearing?”
The Eroticist