Old Wounds

Haven’t posted in a while.  These are strange times in which we live.

I have been talking with a friend who is struggling through a difficult time in her M/s D/lg relationship.  We talked about forgiveness and moving past some things.  It made me think about what is considered appropriate for those to the right of the /.  They are responsible to the one on the Left.  They have to think about the other’s needs and less about their own.  Their needs are the obligations of the one on the Left.  But that doesn’t always happen, as much as we wish it would.  Particularly in this time of overwhelming stress.  Lives are shaken.  Ways of being are torn.  Things happen and the immediate desire is to get back to the way things were.  Actions were taken, responsibilities ignored.  But if we can just get back, all will be forgiven and forgotten.

But that is not possible.  Perhaps that is a lesson from the Now where we are.  As they say, There is No Going Back.  Nor should there be.  When stresses ease and times become more comfortable we may wish we can settle into the way things were, to put away grievances as if they were from a different time only allows them to ferment.

Old wounds can’t be left to fester.  It is nice to think they can just be put behind you.  They have to be addressed.  Yes, with care and consideration towards the other, but still must be.  We like to think of ourselves as “Adult” “Mature” “Reasonable” and all those words that in this context are rather judgmental, particularly when directed towards ourselves.  But when it comes right down to it, each of us are delicate 6 year olds with only an adult veneer.  We must have the understanding that our hearts need just as much respect as our minds.

One comment

  1. Thank you, for all you have taught me. Thank you for your time. Thank you for your “wonderful caring support”, even if and when it means calling me out on my BS and making me look at the reality instead of the frame that makes it more comfortable. Thank you for doing so more gently than perhaps you otherwise would.

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