I hope that what I am about to say here is totally unnecessary. I want to be clear here. I am not saying that there are not great personal rewards in knowing you have deeply pleased your partner. That, in itself can be a profound reward. But I also believe that HOW you please him is intimately involved in who you are. Are you someone who truly wants to suffer at his violent or manipulative hand (emotional masochism, being brought to tears, etc.) Are you someone who, like that beautiful monologue in Gosford Park by Hellen Mirren, a perfect servent? “What gift do you think a good servant has that separates them from the others? Its the gift of anticipation. And I’m a good servant; I’m better than good, I’m the best; I’m the perfect servant. I know when they’ll be hungry, and the food is ready. I know when they’ll be tired, and the bed is turned down. I know it before they know it themselves.” Are you incredibly sexual, limber, and anxious to train your body to do anything necessary to physically please your partner? Are you rewarded by being thought inferior, less than, wanting to be verbally abused or caged by your Master? Would you make the most excellent Executive Assistant? Do you find yourself obsessed with the dirtiest most disgusting forms of excrement?
I believe that whatever the joys and perversions of your prospective partner, you will NOT be able to be a pleasing partner in a long term deeply bonded relationship unless his joys intimately fit within yours. NOR SHOULD YOU BE. We are talking about a relationship where the the experiences and pleasures within should be MUTUAL joys. I have often talked to those on the right side who feel they should be all that their Master desires, and nothing more. Well, a fine wish, but regrettably not possible.
I know I have spoken on this before, but it bares repeating. I am a Sadist. A relatively strong Sadist. But I am not here to make anyone SUFFER. That is for other Sadists. What I want is to apply multiple forms of pain and know that it is exciting my partner. That gives me overwhelming joy. But to think that a woman who gets no joy or sexual excitement from pain can be a perfect slave for me, can take all the sadistic ministrations I can dish out and give me the pleasure I desire in her suffering is just NOT a truth.
For many years I had a partner who greatly enjoyed giving me service. She often looked around my house and decided exactly what she should do. She enjoyed sex with me, but primarily in the forms that she enjoyed. Many times I might ask her to do something and she might find it degrading, or humiliating, or beneath her, perhaps just in the way I might have asked, when to me it was just asking her to do something that pleased me.
My point is in most cases you can not make yourself into what someone else wants. What you really have to do is find someone who can see and want what you are. And THAT is made a lot easier when you know what that is yourself.