This was sent to me a while back by a delightfully knowledgeable and kinky woman, Madeline Elayne, but I had not the time nor attention availability to get to it. While I really do hope to get back to the warm, wet and fuzzy areas of erotic life, I just think this is a truly wonderful way to describe how it is we should be doing things and how it CAN go wrong.
By the way, I want to particularly point out the definite and strong application to every form of romantic and sexual relationship that is being discussed here. What we do in the BDSM community and in our relationships is directly translatable to any form of what is thought of as vanilla relationships. Is there anything about a “normal”, “family valued” relationship which does not have verbal/emotional, sexual (well, most do), neglect/isolation, financial and spiritual aspects and concerns within them? I do not think so.
What is the true saving grace of a healthy, affirming, communicative and mutually respectful relationship involving Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, submission and the extreme sensations of Sadomasochism is just that. It is based in mutual respect, consistent and repetitive communication, the equal value of the participants no matter what their roles, continuing education of both parties, and the constant affirmation of that value and humanity of everyone involved.
Whew, ok, nuff said. Now lets go look at ways we can get wet and wild.