What is it that brings this full circle? What gives this glorious BDSM relationship the stability and support that allows it to exist? It is Obedience. In the beginning it is obedience to Transparency. It is said that when a submissive holds something back, she is taking control of the relationship. She is deciding what her Dominant should know and what he should not. She is filtering what she exposes of herself, she is deciding not to show her real self, the whole of herself, she is only giving him the “Mask” of which she approves. Obedience to Transparency is necessary.
This relationship is based in one person giving to another authority over themselves. “I give you authority to make decisions for me.” They do this out of Trust that the person who has authority will make those decisions out of a sense of care, compassion, understanding and some level of wisdom in order to promote the growth of the relationship. If that is the case, and a decision has been made with all available information, how can that relationship grow without the obedience to follow through?
Within Trust, and Obedience to Transparency decisions can be made for the growth of the relationship and the people within it.
When a Dominant has all the information to make a decision he must be able to Trust that his decision will be Obeyed. Without that Obedience, the entire structure of the relationship falls apart. Trust is shaken. Transparency is shrouded. The circle is broken.
For a submissive or slave, they must trust their partner to take all the information given, that their Dominant will take that information in confidence and use it with an understanding of who they are as a human being of value, and no matter the submissive’s level of understanding of those decisions, they will obey those decisions to the best of their ability.
For a Dominant, they must trust that their partner has been transparently open to them, trust themselves enough to understand and be transparent about the motives behind their decisions, and trust that their partner will obey their requests. The Dominant must also seek and obey his own spiritual guidance as to the direction he takes those who have given him authority.
Transparency, Trust and Obedience, the triumvirate that, in my belief, can support any relationship, BDSM or otherwise. The direction of authority and the structure of the relationship is open to negotiation, but in my opinion, the triumvirate still stands.