I have heard many people express concern over Daddy/Little Girl relationships. Their concern has been expressed to me as to the elements of incest and possible under 18 play. My personal view of Daddy/Little Girl play centers around the affection and nurturing necessary from a parental figure towards someone within their care. I thought perhaps that needed to be explained further and asked permission to pass on a bit of correspondence between myself and a very distant dear friend who was experiencing some doubts as to her value.
My dear sweet woman,
It bothers me that you do not know how to respond to being liked, being admired, being enjoyed. But I understand it. I think you need more experience with it. So, as I often do, I envision taking you into my lap and just sitting with you, caressing your hair and holding you close.
I probably told you that I am/was an actor by profession for many years. Of those many years, MOST were spent hearing complements and returning small off hand comments about how I did not think it true, or how I struggled with my performance or whatever, but basically was saying, “No, you’re wrong when you think I did well.” I can remember, in that period, thinking of only one or two performances in 30 years when I felt happy with what I did.
The first change came when I began to understand that my comments, even to myself, were just dismissing another’s validly held opinion. So I began to consider that and attempted to move to a point where I could just hear their complement and accept it, then thank them for it, just simply thank them. The thanks began to be more and more sincere until I could slowly begin to accept that my performance was there for the audience, and their comments proved to me that, no matter what tape I might have running saying that whatever *I* might be doing could not be worthy, in fact, I did a good job. I brought joy to this person.
You are a talented, worthy, attractive, intelligent, sexy and entertaining woman. You have great and obvious talents of which I am jealous. You are well spoken and can communicate intelligently. You are in touch with your physical passion which is incredibly erotic and valuable to you, and to me. You have abilities which most do not display and I believe you are willing to understand that they are gifts worthy of encouragement. While you have tapes constantly running confirming that this is impossible, I refuse to allow you to dismiss my opinion. I see you, and my opinion is a valid one.
Do not allow the tapes to determine the direction of your life. Do not attract people who either confirm them or who are sycophants who just oppose them blindly. Look to people who challenge you but see the value in you. You ARE one phenomenal woman. Be That!
So, I give you a huge, strong, all encompassing hug, pull your head to the side for a firm bite to the neck, put you back on your feet and give you a Very Firm swat on the butt. You are my friend, I like you, and you are worthy of both.
Draws her back into his lap.
Come here, my beautiful one.
It is so hard to stop the tapes. We all have them. The words we heard over and over, every time something good might have happened. As little ones we hear things and instantly believe them true, not understanding that they speak far more about the speaker than about us.
I think I have told you before, grace and beauty is raining down upon us all the time. We just have to learn how to put away our umbrellas. So I point out to you that the reflection of the moon on the water that you see, No One Else can see. Each sees their own, for each it is full of subtle differences. What you see is there Just For You. The world does it Just For You. The beautiful creations that you make No One Else can see, and No One Else has the gifts that make them the things of beauty that they are. You are incredibly special and unique, and the world knows it. It gives you gifts all the time, Because You Are Worth It. Let the beauty that it gives flow through you.
It is true that pain is all around us as well. But the vast majority of the pain we see is not ours and we should not take it as ours. We do not need to defend against it. Perhaps it is easier when we feel the pain from the suffering of others, but it is incredibly difficult when that pain is directed at us through anger or bigotry or shame. But that does not mean it is deserved nor does it need to be ours.
I remember once seeing a small dog get hit by a car. I stopped and ran to the dog and picked it up. It immediately bit my hand deeply. But it bit out of its own pain. My hand was hurt, but there was no reason for my feelings to be hurt. When people bite you, it is harder to understand that the bite is from Their pain, that your tapes do not need to be fed. But so often that is what we do. We write scripts to fit our hurt into the tapes we run, to affirm them. Unfortunately that only serves to increase the pain.
These things I understand. But I fear I am sitting here giving the impression that I can clearly practice what I preach. I can not. My feelings get hurt. My tapes run strongly, “I am a failure, not able to reach my potential, nothing I do is really worth much, those that think so are mistaken”. They run all the time around my art. I have gotten in every show I have entered. I have been accepted immediately into every art group to which I have applied. I still feel that they just must not understand what I am trying to do or they would not be so accepting.
We deal with these things as we can. But believe me, my sweet most beautiful girl, beauty, love and grace are all around you and is placed there truly Just For You. The world, Gaia, holds you in her heart and does these things just for you. But the hardest thing to accept is that you are worthy of it. You are. Look for the signs. With love and grace they show you who you are.
“I watched the trees gradually withdraw, waving their despairing arms, seeming to say to me, ‘What you fail to learn from us today, you will never know. If you allow us to drop back into the hollow of this road from which we sought to raise ourselves up to you, a whole part of yourself which we were bringing to you will fall forever into the abyss.'” — Marcel Proust
To me, this is what being a Daddy is all about.